It's amazing how much can happen in just a few years. Really, it's amazing how much can happen in a whole twenty-four hour time period, so of course a few years is like child's play when speaking about change. My friends and I generally agree that once you turn 20, each year is significantly different, with alot of intense revisions and growing up going on. So I'm here again in the blogosphere to maybe divulge a little bit about these adaptations and just anything else that comes to mind. I will warn you that my musings tend to get a little bit droney, and sometimes I go off on tangents that I rarely return from, but if you bear with me I will bear with you and we can just bear together, you know?
I am now at the ripe old age of 23 and can say with much confidence that I still don't know shit. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very discerning human being, but I guess the beauty in discernment is that you can call yourself out on how little you actually know. I really relish the term "salad days" because 1.) that's a great Mac DeMarco album and 2.) what better way to describe such a time in a person's life than this phrase?
-Salad Days: a time of youth, innocence and inexperience.
I really love the way that Shakespeare put it though: "my salad days, when I was green in judgement and cold in blood". What a beautifully poetic way to say that you don't know shit.
Of course, with time comes experience, and everyone is different so sometimes age may not be so relevant of a factor. Alot of young adults grew up fending for themselves from an early age, so independance and maturity may come a little easier and quicker for that lot. Just as there are those who grew up quickly, there are those who took their time and now everyone else is paying for it. Haha just kidding, but really...I'd like to think I'm a solid 6 on the 1-10 scale of experience and maturity. I've obviously got a lot of things to sort out before reaching that coveted 10 spot. Actually, is that even a possibilty? Like, does anyone ever get there?
Oh, life experience-you dirty dog. You tricky, tricky teacher. I have been running in circles, chasing my tail for a while now. Writer's block is seriously no joke. I mean, when you're blocked, you're blocked. You can sit there with a pen and paper, in the middle of the vast, lonely desert trying to come up with something, but all the while your mind is just a bevy of empty thought bubbles. For a moment, I figured "okay, so maybe this whole writing thing was just a farce and it's time for me to start thinking of other options that I can be sufficiently mediocre at". Self doubt is so lovely and always there for you, you know. Really, I'd just been searching for some decent inspiration-something big or even little enough to make me want to write about something, anything. The funny thing is that there have been an insane number of events in my life that I could easily choose from, but it's easier remembered than written. I will say that that's not an all the time occurrence, but to be honest, you just can't force the flow. It will come, and it will more than likely be very random and you may even be a little skeptical because you'll think "what am I even writing about? This is kind of stupid and pointless." FYI: I'm kind of feeling those vibes right now. But in my opinion, that's when you're doing alright and that's when I feel that maybe what you're writing is actually okay, because it's real and you're not bullshitting yourself.
I promise I got off on this writing tangent, because it had everything to do with the initial topic! I've always been one to write down my feelings or the happenings in my life, and was really shocked to find out that despite experiencing so many things that come with young adulthood, I was mentally jammed up.
It's like these stages that we enter and exit, where we become all of these different people. It gets messy, and alot of the time I've lost sight of me underneath all of the costume changes, but it's a part of life. It's fun and scary and depressing. Change is good, change is growth. That last sentence felt alot like a political campaign slogan, and for that, I apologize profusely. It's always frustrating to feel as though you are the only one left of your peers who hasn't gotten their life together. When you look around, it seems as though everyone is either married, has a family, is living out an awesome career, or the real zinger: all three. All the while there's you just deciding which alcoholic beverage you want to drink on a random Tuesday night. It can be pretty daunting to admit to yourself that you need to step your game up. That being said, there's levels to all of this. No two people are the same, so really it's kind of unfair to you to track your progress according to how everyone else is living their lives. Cut yourself some slack-you're still alive after everything. That's not to say that lolligagging should be an art form that you perfect. I myself am a great procrastinator, perhaps the greatest that ever lived. I am willing to debate this truth to anyone who would like to debate it, and I have solid evidence to back up my statements-beware. Everyone's time frame is different; I guess you just have to know for yourself that you do want more than what you've got at the moment. You've got to feel as though there is more. With that insight, I feel there can be a lot of progression, as long as you actually try...after all, we all get to have our "salad days". It's almost like saying everyone gets a pass at being total fuck ups for an allotted amount of time.
I really could go on and on. These feels are my everyday existence, and I'm sure at some point I'll regret being so transparent, but alas, today is not that day.